Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
