dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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