I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
