I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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