She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
