Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
