just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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