Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
