I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
