He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
