In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
only you would photoshop your dick
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
