His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
