NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
