I want to make a zoo with you.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's shark week go big or go home
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
