I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
