There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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