New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
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I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
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Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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