So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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