After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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