We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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