Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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