he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
