so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
