I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
