Can i not drive my cunt home
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
