i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
