Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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