I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
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