just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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