I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
