this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
