just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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