while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
