Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
