he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
