after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
