Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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