Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
