OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
