Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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