I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
