I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
