I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
