break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
