the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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