Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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