Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
