This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
