new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Randomize
