I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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