I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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