Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Watching her eat just hurts me
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
