He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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