Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
