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new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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