Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he shaved USA in his pubs
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
