ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
