it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
