Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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