I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
