There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
