He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
