please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
