I just threw up on my dentist
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
