Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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