Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
