i jhust puked up my retainher.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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