The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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