I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The Olympian is in my bed
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
