i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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