She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
