i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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